Experiences with Amma
Alison Richards
San Jose, California
On AMMA's 55th Birthday
Koti Pranams at the holy feet of our beloved Guru, Amma.
Happy 25th Anniversary to Matruvani
Happy Birthday to our beloved Amma!!!
In the past, my sadhana consisted of meditation, bhajans, chanting, sitting in Amma’s presence and traveling to be with her. These are ways that I felt would bring me closer to Amma and I loved doing them. But on September 7, 2007, Amma gave me the biggest gift. She brought me the biggest gift of sadhana and selfless service … one that forces me into the present moment constantly. A baby boy named Jagadish (Bodhi). My husband and I were married by Amma a few years back in June 2006. In November that year, when Amma was in San Ramon, I asked her if we should have children, adopt or skip it, as I was 43 at the time. Amma said “Ask your doctor about having a baby at your age and try, your husband has a desire”. The next day, I realized there was nothing to ask the doctor; Amma is the doctor and knows all. The next month, we found out we were having a baby. Having a baby after years of independence or inter-dependence, is a big lifetime adjustment. We went from taking care of ourselves to taking care of a little one. Offering one’s self, to grow, carry and nurture the baby during the pregnancy and then being there afterwards to nurse, feed and care for the baby.
Luckily, Jagadish is a very easy baby. And my husband is over the moon to be a father and helps with absolutely everything he can! Still, it took all I had to wake up every hour or two to nurse him and change him. Thankfully, I had been attending Amma’s Devi Bhavas in the past and staying up all night – and my mantra was literally my life vest – both during the birth and afterwards, when I could remember to chant it! Self surrender, offering of self, is the biggest lesson.
As a householder, Amma gives us the opportunity to practice being present, even when we can’t be in her physical presence. Even if I wanted to go out and get a hotel room to sleep one entire night, I had no choice but to serve, being there for my son regardless of my own personal needs. When Amma came to the U.S. the following November and June, I was only able to spend a little bit of time in her presence. But I know that this is my dharma now and I can’t be with her all the time.
With Amma’s grace, I have much less time to be in Amma’s physical presence, but Amma has come to me! We have satsang here every week, so even if I can’t always attend the whole satsang because Jagadish needs to be fed or put to bed, at least I can hear the archana and bhajans and know that Amma’s Presence is being invoked in our home! And when he was about 6 months old, our satsang decided to have a homa for world peace here in Santa Cruz, California and we got to host that in our backyard. I am very focused at optimizing the time I do have with Amma now, as it is so much more precious. I was able to be a “star-gazer”, sitting next to Amma’s chair to watch her. I didn’t want to even take my eyes of her, even for a minute. Amma, knowing all of our desires, made it possible for me to be close to hear a few times when I was in the hall. One day, as I was holding the baby and Amma was leaving the hall, she started playing with Jagadish; kissing his hands and cheeks and moving his arms like he was dancing or singing with her! Amma was right in front of me. During Devi Bhava, I had the opportunity to sit next to her chair for quite some time.
While on maternity leave, I found out that my position at work was being terminated and that I may have to look internally for a new job or take a severance package. I prayed to Amma about what to do. For a few months, there was uncertainty as to if I would find another job at the same company, where I’d been working for almost 15 years. One thought was perhaps I was to stay home more with the baby. Then the day Amma arrived in Seattle for the summer tour, I got an offer from a group that focuses on education products for the emerging markets. Amma arrived and took care of it – but also gave me additional time off to be home! Over the years, trusting that everything is Amma’s gift in our lives has been a wonderful teaching and this latest teaching of selfless service to another being and having to be in the present moment with an infant, has been a great lesson. Not to mention having patience!
Being able to have this trust and gratitude that Amma is taking care of every aspect of our well-being gives me great peace of mind. Now, being a parent, I found all of a sudden I’m sometimes worried about Jagadish’s well-being. It’s a constant blessing to remember that Amma is with us and there is no need to worry. May Amma’s blessing continue to shine on each and every one of us and may Amma have a long, healthy life and continue to grace us always with her divine presence!